


Home Cooking

by Breadcrumbs1783



Category: RWBY
Genre: Bad Cooking, Bonding, Comedy, F/F, Female Characters, Female Friendship, Female Protagonist, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:54:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28330050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Breadcrumbs1783/pseuds/Breadcrumbs1783
Summary: Yang has never been a good cook, but now that she's married to Blake she would like to a make dish for her wife that's at least edible. Thus, she enlists the help of her best friend Weiss Schnee. Hijinks and bonding ensue.
Relationships: Blake Belladonna & Ruby Rose & Weiss Schnee & Yang Xiao Long, Blake Belladonna/Weiss Schnee/Yang Xiao Long, Blake Belladonna/Yang Xiao Long, Ruby Rose/Weiss Schnee, Weiss Schnee/Yang Xiao Long
Comments: 3
Kudos: 58





	Home Cooking

“Are you sure you don’t want to go?”

“Blake, I told you. I’ll be fine. Go and have some fun!”

Yang beamed at Blake as they stood on their house’s porch. Blake’s ears flattened and she readjusted her purse. Behind her, the winter sun peeked out from the tops of the neighborhood trees, indicating that evening was fast approaching. A brisk chill scolded Yang, saying that the huntress should have brought a sweater outside instead of an orange tank top.

“It’s just weird going out without you,” said Blake.

“I know,” said Yang. “But we need some time apart. We’re practically attached to the hip.”

Blake let out a small huff and said, “I guess. I haven’t talked with Illia and Sun in ages. It would be nice to catch up on things. But I don’t want you to be all by yourself while I’m having fun.”

Yang waved her hand and said, “Don’t worry about me. I got everything figured out. Gonna watch some TV, work out a bit, and play some video games with Ruby online. It’ll be great.”

“Well, alright,” said Blake. Blake's eyes shifted downward, the amber coat of her irises reflecting the dying light of the day. So soft, so delicate, so perfect.

Yang clasped Blake’s hands and said, “You look wonderful, you know that? A million lien and then some.”

It was no exaggeration on Yang’s part. Blake looked absolutely fantastic in anything she was in. She could make a white T-shirt stained with ketchup, mustard, and baby vomit look like the latest fashion. But tonight, she looked like a Hollywood bombshell. She wore a black leather jacket, skinny jeans, high heels, and a low-cut blouse. The aroma of lavender permitted from Blake as well, indicative of the fancy perfume she wore. It took all of Yang’s willpower not to smooch off that expensive red lipstick Blake had on and take her to town, but she resisted. After all, she had a mission to accomplish.

Blake’s cheeks turned rosy and she said, “Thank you. You look amazing as well.”

Yang threw her head back and released a jovial roar. “Yeah, I think the tank top goes really well with my black sweatpants. Ladies, beware. Yang is all dressed up and ready to prowl.”

Blake wrapped her arms around Yang’s shoulder and drew herself close. Yang could feel her warm, gentle breath exciting all of her senses. “They better not. You’re mine.”

“You know it, baby,” Yang said. Yang leaned over and kissed Blake. Her lips were like the sweetest wine, too much and she might get tipsy and lose control.

After a few blissful minutes, Yang said, “Alright, enough smooching. Sun and Illia are probably waiting for you at the movies. You don’t want to be late.” Yang guided Blake by the hand down the steps and onto the driveway.

“Okay,” said Blake. She hugged Yang tight with her small, yet powerful arms. “Promise me you’ll have a good time.”

“I’ll have the best time,” Yang said as she patted Blake’s back. “Once you get home, you have a big surprise waiting for you.”

Blake raised an eyebrow and said, “A surprise?”

“Yep,” said Yang as a wry grin set upon her lips. “One that I think you’ll really love.”

Blake scrunched her eyes at Yang and said, “What is it?”

“If I told you now, it wouldn’t be much of a surprise, would it?” said Yang.

Blake cocked her head and folded her arms. “Well, alright. As long as you're not going to try to make dinner or anything.”

Panic struck Yang like a pickaxe to stone.“Pfft. Naw,” she said as her eyes flicked to the side. “I’m not crazy enough to try that again.”

“Well, good,” said Blake. “The last time you tried to make dinner, you almost burned down the house with your Fried Chicken special.”

Yang put her hand behind her head and squinted. “I still don’t know where I went wrong with the mashed potatoes.”

“I think the first issue was microwaving the potatoes with the tin foil attached,” said Blake.

Yang bobbed her head and said, “Maybe I should have used less salt too.”

Blake rolled her eyes and gave Yang a peck on the cheek. “Be on your best behavior, okay? No funny business.”

Yang chuckled and put her hand over her heart. “I solemnly swear not to burn down the house by myself trying to make dinner for my adorable wife. Now get out of here!”

Blake gave Yang a gentle smile, another peck on the cheek, and walked down the driveway to her car.

“Have fun!” said Yang.

Blake twirled around and blew a kiss at Yang, which she promptly caught and stored in her pocket. Yang watched as Blake slipped inside her black car and drove off into the twilight.

“There she goes,” said Yang. Even after six months, Yang still couldn’t believe she had gotten this lucky. Blake was her wife, they lived together in a nice home, and everything was awesome. Well, almost everything.

Yang whirled around and walked back into the house. She made her way past the living room and into the kitchen, where she stood at the doorway and placed her hands on her hips. Her eyes scanned the room as she surveyed what she had to work with. To her left was the stove, the countertop, and the fridge all lined up next to each other. Above the countertop were ceiling cabinets that contained bowls, plates, cups, and all sorts of cooking appliances. To her right was the kitchen table with four chairs, the pantry closet, and a microwave stationed on top of a small table. Yang grinned. Tonight, she was a mad scientist, and this kitchen was her lab. She’d create a culinary concoction so amazing that Blake would be blown away. Yang could see it now. Blake would walk in, see the steaming hot meal Yang made, and ask to renew their vows ten years early. And, like all mad scientists, she needed an assistant. Yang pulled out her scroll and went to her contacts. She scrolled down to the W section and pressed the first name she saw popped up. After a few rings, a familiar, prissy voice spoke.

“Hello?” the voice said.

“Hey, Weiss,” said Yang. “You busy?”

“Not really,” said Weiss. “I just finished training for the day.”

“Cool,” said Yang. “Hey, remember when you said you could help me cook?”

A few minutes later, Yang rose up from the living room couch when she heard a knock at the door followed by the soft click of heels approaching. Weiss strutted into the living room all dressed up in the latest winter attire. Her white coat had black buttons running down it's side, and her pearl skirt had obsidian frills on it's edges. Around her neck was a scarlet scarf.

“Wow,” Yang said, “You know we're cooking today, right?”

“I know,” said Weiss. “But there is no reason why we can’t look good doing it.”

Yang shrugged her shoulders and said, “Suit yourself, but when your five hundred lien boots get stained by fish juice, don’t come crying to me.”

Weiss scoffed. “As if I’d wear something so valuable for such a messy task. I’m not an idiot. These are my two hundred lien boots, thank you very much.”

“So, are you ready to go?” said Yang.

“Yes,” said Weiss. She pulled out her scroll from her white purse and tapped on it a few times. “There is a supermarket about twenty minutes from here. We can get our supplies there ”

Yang rolled her shoulders a few times, picked up her yellow bomber jacket laying on the couch, and said, “Alright, let’s do this.”

The two women walked out of the house and onto the driveway, where Weiss’s car was parked. Like Weiss herself, it was small, dainty, and a bit much. The sleek red paint job meshed well with the chrome tires.

“You sure you don’t want to take my bike? I just finished putting in a new engine,” Yang said.

“Oh gods no,” said Weiss. “The last time you offered me a ride on that death machine, I nearly spilled my insides.”

Yang’s mind flashed an image of Weiss turning greener than grass after her first ride. “Ah. Yup. Good times.”

Weiss huffed and dug out her keys from her purse. She pressed a large blue button and the vehicle gave a tiny chirp in acknowledgment. The two front doors swung open, beckoning the passengers to come inside.

Yang whistled and said, “Wow. Look at Mrs. Fancy Pants here. What else does it have? Butt Warmers? A built-in butler who offers you tea and crumpets?”

“You can mock my car all you want,” said Weiss, “But for 50,000 lien, it was well worth it. The Remnant 10,000 has the most state of the art safety features, a radio that can play any channel on the planet, and the finest leather seats.”

Yang peered inside the vehicle and spotted a large faded brown splotch on the passenger seat.

“What’s with the stain?” Yang asked.

Weiss’s cheeks glowed red and she said. “Ruby spilled some Hot Coco last week. She got too excited listening to her favorite foreign band on the radio.”

“Sounds about right,” said Yang. She plopped herself onto the passenger seat and buckled herself in. Weiss entered from the driver’s side and did the same. She pressed a black button on the side of the steering wheel and the car flared to life.

“You don’t need a key?” Yang said.

“Nope. All it takes is one button press to start. Keys are a thing of the past, my beautiful blonde friend.”

Yang let loose a devilish smile and said, “So to turn it off, all you have to do is press it again?”

“Well, of course,” said Weiss. “How else would you shut the car down?”

It was too good to pass up. Yang raised a finger, inched towards the power button and pressed it.

“Off,” Yang said. The car grumbled in defiance and then fell silent.

Weiss rolled her eyes and said, “Yes, Yang. It turns off. Now can we–”

“On,” said Yang as she pressed it once more. The car sprung back to life and mumbled a greeting to the two women.

“Had enough fun?” said Weiss. “We need to get moving–”

“Off.”

“Yang, stop turning the car off.”

“On.”

“Okay, now leave it on–”

“Off.”

“Turn it back–”

“On.”

“Now leave it alone.”

“Off.”

“You’re gonna mess the car up! Stop!”

“On.”

“Leave it on!”

“But what if I turn it off?”

“Why would you do that?”

“You’re right. I like it better on.”

“Thank you! Now–”

“On second thought, off sounds more appealing.”

“Yang! Stop it!”

“On. Off. On. Off. Onoffonoffonoffonoffonoffonoff–”

“YANG XIAO LONG YOU BIG BOOB! STOP MESSING WITH MY CAR!”

Yang looked Weiss in the eyes, pressed the button on last time, leaned back into the seat, and said, “On.”

Weiss released an exasperated sigh and put the car into reverse. “I swear, you and your sister will be the death of me. Ruby did the exact same thing when we first got the car.”

Yang put her hands behind her hand and said, “Yeah, but the difference between me and her is that she did it because she got excited. I did it just to mess with you.”

Weiss scowled. “I hate you.”

Yang laughed and patted Weiss on the head. “Love you too, buddy.”

Weiss drove the car out of the neighborhood and onto the main road. As Yang gazed at the scrolling houses and streets outside her window, she fiddled around with the seat controls on the bottom side of the chair. Her fingers ran left to right over the buttons. There were five in total, all in different shapes and sizes. She decided to tap on the middle one, just to see what it did. As soon as she pressed it, a delicate, comforting heat enveloped her.

“Wow,” said Yang. “This thing actually has butt-heaters.”

“The function is called ‘Seat-Warming,’ and I would ask you to use the proper term,” said Weiss. Even though her eyes fixed on the road, Yang could see a glimpse of annoyance in her expression. Maybe it was time to back off of the teasing.

“So,” said Yang, “How are you and Ruby doing?”

Weiss’s face relaxed at the mention of her partner. “We’re doing fine. Ruby’s training with a new weapon modification she made to Crescent Rose. Now it can send out energy waves with each slice.”

Yang caught a hint of pride when Weiss mentioned Ruby’s progress and smiled. “Next thing you know, she’ll try to attach a flamethrower to it.

“She tried to last week but I vetoed it,” said Weiss. “It somehow slipped her mind that running at the speed of sound would not mix well with steel-melting heat from her weapon.”

“I’m surprised she hasn’t messaged me all day,” said Yang. “We usually talk in the morning.”

“Well, Ruby just finished the modification late last night,” Weiss said. “As soon as she was sure it worked, she nearly passed out on the floor. She’s still sleeping now.”

Yang glanced at the dashboard clock and saw that it was 4:30 pm.

“Out like a light, huh?” said Yang.

Weiss let out a small laugh and said, “She deserves the rest. I left her note on the bed so she isn’t worried about where I am when she wakes up. How are you and Blake?”

“We’re good,” said Yang. “I think we got the house mostly in order. Still need a painting or a vase here or there. Thinking about getting a new TV too, one with like, Super-Ultra HD or something.

“Have you watched the latest episode of _The Fawn and the Faunus_ yet?” said Weiss.

“No, and don’t spoil it for me,” said Yang. “I had to clean up the kitchen after I tried to make some cookies and missed the episode.”

“What went wrong?” said Weiss.

“They, uh, they exploded,” said Yang. She still had the doughy slaughterhouse that was her oven last night seared into her mind. No one was spared in her attempt to make army gingerbread men, not even Private Cookie Buns, who was Yang’s favorite.

“I guess you really do need my help, huh?” said Weiss. Yang sensed a certain trill in Weiss’s voice that drove her up the wall, but she swallowed the annoyance.

“Yeah. Just once, I’d like to make a dish that doesn’t make the neighbors call the fire department,” Yang said. “I’m pretty sure I’m on first-name basis with Fire Chef Velveno at this point.

“Well, don’t you worry, Yang,” said Weiss. “You have enlisted the right person for this endeavor. Any dish I make for Ruby, she absolutely loves. I am confident we can make a meal Blake will adore as well.”

“Let’s hope so,” Yang said. “At this point, I’m half-worried that Blake will put a padlock on the kitchen and carry around the key.”

The pair continued to chat about the goings and happenings about their lives until they reached the supermarket. The sun was now barely over the horizon, and dusk had taken its usual watch over the sky. Weiss parked the car at the center of the parking lot.

“Alright,” said Weiss. “What’s the recipe again?”

Yang pulled out her phone and brought up the recipe. “It’s a Honey Garlic Glazed Salmon.”

“What are the ingredients?” said Weiss.

Yang skimmed the recipe’s list of ingredients and recounted the items. “Um, well, Salmon, obviously. Glaze, honey, some kind of garlic–”

Weiss shook her head and said, “No, no, no. You’re thinking too basically, Yang. This is your wife we’re talking about. Blake Belladonna. We need to fill this dish with things that she loves.”

“What are you talking about?” said Yang.

Weiss gestured to Yang’s phone and said, “Basic, simple recipes like these won’t impress anyone. We need to think outside of the box and use our intuition. Tell me, what is one of Blake's favorite foods?

Yang put her hands into her pocket and searched her mind once more. “Well, we know that she loves fish. I guess she likes fruit too, like Pineapples.”

Weiss brought out her scroll and started to type. “Pineapples. Okay, what else?”

“Um, noodles? The spicy ones mixed chili,” said Yang. Yang could handle spicy food, but Blake was on a whole nother level. Ruby once dared her to eat a Grimm Reaper Pepper at a bar in Vacuo one time. Blake ate three, without milk. Speaking of….

“I guess she likes milk too,” said Yang. “But I’m not sure if it’ll fit with the dish.”

“Nonsense,” Weiss said. “A talented chef can make any ingredient work in a dish. What else?”

And so, twenty minutes later Yang and Weiss walked out the store with a cart full of an assortment of groceries. Along with their primary ingredients of Salmon, Honey, Glaze, and Garlic, they had also brought tomato paste, gummy worms, cupcakes, herbal tea packets, crackers, and spinach. The sun had fully set once they entered the parking lot, with dots of yellow and white sprinkling the black sky. As Yang pushed the creaky shopping cart through the parking lot, she said, “All right, that should be everything.”

Weiss bobbed her head and said, “Now it’s time for us to prepare our masterpiece.”

“You sure we can make something decent out of all this?” Yang said.

Weiss flicked her hand as if she was knocking away the comment. “Of course. I have tons of experience with the art of cooking. I assure you, once Blake sets her tongue on the Salmon, she’ll fall head over heels with you all over again.”

“I just don’t think the gummy worms will mix well with the fish,” said Yang. “I mean, I suck at cooking, but even I know that’s weird.”

Weiss clicked her tongue and said, “Yang, who enlisted who’s help today?”

“Well, I did, but–” said Yang.

“Then you must trust me,” said Weiss. “We have everything under control.”

“Alright,” said Yang. However, beneath her surface, a pit formed in her stomach.

Yang and Weiss loaded up the groceries in the trunk of the car and hopped in. As Weiss drove them out of the parking lot, Yang rested her right arm on the armrest and tapped the door handle with her pointer finger as she let her mind wander. Blake would be home around six, and so that gave them about an hour to prepare the meal. If all goes well, then Blake would walk into the house and see a five-star fish masterpiece. It would be perfect.

When Yang and Weiss got home, they unloaded the groceries, set them into the kitchen, and began to prepare the meal. Yang pulled out each ingredient from their bags onto the counter, while Weiss pulled out a large pan from the cupboard above the stove. When Yang was finished lining up each colorful ingredient next to one another, she couldn’t shake the growing sense of dread in her stomach.

“Um, Weiss?” said Yang. “Remind me why we bought the spinach again?”

Weiss set down a large stainless-steel pan on the stove and said, “Blake likes to eat healthy food, right? What’s more healthy than spinach?”

“Then what’s with the gummy worms?” said Yang.

“Well, Blake always buys those whenever we all go out to see a movie. I bet you she has a box right now in the theatre,” said Weiss. “It’s obvious she loves them. So it’s going into the dish.”

With each explanation Weiss gave, Yang’s pit grew larger and larger.

“I just don’t see how each ingredient goes together,” said Yang.

Weiss huffed and crossed her arms. “Yang, what did I say before? Trust me. I serve dishes like these all the time to Ruby, and she loves them. You know how much of a picky eater she is.”

Yang held her hands up in surrender and said, “Alright, you win.”

Weiss’s face washed over with satisfaction. “Good. Now, we must cut the Salmon.”

Yang set the piscine upon the cutting board. It’s gray shiny scales gleamed and glistened off sparkles of light, and it’s dull, lifeless eyes stared at Yang as if the creature was asking her why she had chosen it for this unfortunate fate.

Yang rubbed her hands together and said,“All right fishy, time to make you into a five-star meal!”. She cracked her knuckles, rolled her head around her shoulders, and pulled out a ten-inch long knife from the hip level drawer. Just as she was about to plunge the knife into the salmon’s scaly body, however, a glorious idea came to fruition.

“Hey, Weiss?” Yang said as she turned around to face her compatriot. “Wanna try something cool?”

One weapon locker request later, and Weiss was holding Myrtenaster in the kitchen as Yang prepared to toss the salmon in the air. Yang held the pan on the other hand, ready to net whatever may come it's way.

“Out of all the ideas you had lately, this one has to be the stupidest,” said Weiss as she wooshed her sword in the air.

“Says the lady who’s gonna make a five-star meal out of tomato paste and milk,” Yang said. “All you have to do is cut the fish into little bits in mid-air, and I’ll catch it.”

Weiss pursed her lips and said, “Fine. But you better catch all the pieces. We don’t have time to go back and get another fish. How many should I do?”

Yang crooked her head and tapped the bottom of the pan against her head. “How about….ten?”

“Too easy,” Weiss said. She put her right foot back, her left foot forward, and raised the hilt of Myrtenaster up to her chin so that it pointed at Yang. “Go.”

With a flourish, Yang threw the Salmon high into the air. Weiss narrowed her eyes, shifted her weight, and thrusted Myrtenaster at the airborne piscine. Faster than the eye could see, yet as refined as a professional ballet dance, Weiss whizzed her blade around the fish and cut it into little pink cubes. The small giblets descended down from their mid-air butchering and plopped onto Yang’s pan.

“Alright! That was amazing,” said Yang. She put the pan on the stove and turned on the heat. The cubes of meat sizzled and hissed as they cooked and an aroma of fishy goodness wafted the air.

Weiss flicked a bit of fish juice off her blade into the open trash can next to her and set her blade on the wall. “It was nothing. Although, I am worried Myrtenaster will smell like seafood for the next couple of days.”

Yang walked back to the counter and looked at the assortment of ingredients.

“Now, what do we do with all this?” Yang said. She put her hands on her hips and concentrated on what to do. “Maybe we could saute the gummy worms in the milk?

“Allow me to do assistance with this part,” Weiss said. She crossed the kitchen floor and stationed herself in front of the stove. “When one garnishes and spices a dish, a refined, elegant hand is needed. This is where you go wrong, my punchy friend. You are too forceful with your approach. Witness as I showcase my culinary genius.”

Weiss grasped the jar of honey, raised her hand, and brought it down on the lid. She twisted and turned her hand around the top, her hand squeaking and squealing as it rubbed up against it.

“Come on! Open already,” Weiss said. Her face began to turn red from the effort as if steam would soon billow out her ears. She grunted and muttered as she adjusted her stance to gain leverage on the hardy lid.

“Want me to help?” Yang said.

“No need. I have everything under control,” Weiss said as the veins in her hand began to pop out one by one. “This stupid jar will not best me!”

All of a sudden, a pop punctuated the air, and the top came flying off.

“Aha! You see? Nothing to it,” Weiss said. Despite her claims of ease, Yang spotted beads of sweat running down her friend's forehead.

“So, what now?” Yang said.

“Now, we put some honey on the fish, of course,” Weiss said. She opened up a drawer and pulled out a silver tablespoon. With a dramatic flair, Weiss dolloped each piece of Salmon with a spoonful of honey. The little globs of sweetness melted quickly into the fish and added another flavor of noise to the sizzle.

“So, you’re not going to measure it out?” Yang asked as she leaned against the counter.

Weiss laid the jar of honey on the counter and faced Yang. “Yang, true chefs don’t need to ‘measure it out.’ They don’t even need a recipe. All they need is their instincts, which I can assure you I have plenty of. Give me the next ingredient, please”

Thus began an orchestra of culinary madness. Weiss took the role of the head maestro, while Yang played a reluctant percussion. Weiss ordered Yang to dice up the gummy worms, mix the milk with packets of tea, smoosh the cupcakes and spinach together, and baste the crackers in the tomato paste. All of these Frankenstein-like combinations were poured into the pan, where Weiss stirred the dish with a large silver ladle.

“Yang, pull the noodles out and cut them up into little pieces,” said Weiss. “I really think that they would serve better as a spice since they're so zestful.”

“Whatever you say, boss,” Yang said. As she started chopping the noodles in small chunks, Yang caught a whiff of the dish. It was less than a whiff, however, and more like a smash to the senses. The smell was worse than rancid, something akin to rotting meat and expired candy with a hint of spoiled milk. Yang took a peek at the meal and scrunched up her face in disgust. It was a horrid swirl of red, yellow, green, and blue. It was as if a rainbow had been gutted directly into the pan. Bits of the salmon bobbed up and down the pool of liquor, covered in the mucus-like substance.

“Weiss,” Yang said as she backed away from the abomination, “what did you do?”

“What are you talking about?” said Weiss.

Yang pointed at the pan and said, “This looks terrible! It’s like you brought a color wheel to life and used its blood and flesh as ingredients. I’m not sure if the salmon is burned, undercooked, or alive.”

Weiss peeked her head at the pan and scoffed. “It’s not that bad. Although it may need some salt. Pass me the shaker.”

Yang reached over to the spice rack above the stove and handed the salt shaker to Weiss. Apprehension constrained her movements, however, and doubt filled her mind. “Weiss, what kinds of meals do you make for Ruby?”

“Dishes like these, of course,” said Weiss. “Last week, I made her a chicken noodle soup.”

“Well, that sounds normal–”

“Mixed with a strawberry smoothie, chocolate chips, and drizzle of chocolate syrup.”

Yang stared holes into Weiss, who beamed with pride.

“And, did Ruby use the bathroom afterward?” Yang said.

“Um, maybe? I don’t know,” said Weiss. “She did have to go to the restroom a lot that night, but I think she drank too much water before bed.”

“Uh-huh. And did you cook for her last night as well?” said Yang. The puzzle was coming together, but she needed one last piece.

“Yes,” Weiss said. “After she was done with her weapon modification, I whipped up a juicy burger to celebrate. I topped it with all the things she loves. Marshmallows, strawberries, peanuts, barbeque sauce, some horseradish, chocolate cereal, and licorice sticks.”

Yang put her hands on her hips and said, “And let me guess, she had to use the bathroom during the night too?”

“Why, yes,” Weiss said. “She really needs to stop drinking so much water before be–” Weiss stopped her sentence mid-way through and fell silent for a moment. Her brow furrowed deep and her gaze became resentful. “Are you insinuating that I made Ruby sick?”

“What? No!” Yang said as she waved her hands in the air. “It’s just that, you know, you have such a unique cooking style that maybe you overwhelmed Ruby with your flav–oh screw it. Yes, you did, Weiss.”

Weiss gasped and stabbed her finger at Yang. Her voice raised several octaves as she screeched venom at her. “How dare you! I would never make a dish that could make Ruby ill.”

“I mean, I’m not saying you did it on purpose,” said Yang.

“Then what are you saying, Yang? That I am a bad cook?”

“Yes.”

Weiss took a step back and covered her gaping mouth with her hand. “You-you’re one to talk, Mrs. Explodey Oven! You can’t even make a cookie right!”

The comment struck right at Yang’s core, and she felt a white-hot temper flare-up. She curled her fists and said, “Do you really want to compare our cooking? When I screw up at a dish, I have to spend a couple of minutes cleaning up the mess. When you screw up a dish, you could send someone to the emergency room.”

Weiss’s face turned beat red.“Shut up! I am a good cook. And I’ll show you right now!”

Weiss reached up and extended her tippy toes to reach the top cabinet. After obtaining a porcelain dinner plate, she set it down on the counter and placed a piece of charred Salmon on it with the ladle. The cube of once vibrant looking meat had been reduced to a burnt rock that oozed purple, blue, and red out from its pores. It reminded Yang of an alien egg from a horror movie she saw last night and was half-expecting a tiny six-headed creature to burst out from the travesty.

“Weiss, I really don’t think you should eat it,” said Yang.

Weiss batted away the comment with a turn of the head. “Nonsense. The worst that could happen is that I won’t stop at one piece.”

Weiss picked up the salmon between her thumb and pointer finger and popped it into her mouth. Immediately, Weiss scrunched up her face and tensed her shoulders. Spots of vomit green appeared on her cheeks, and her eyes sent a message of agony and regret.

“You see?” Weiss said, the disgust and pain audible through her voice. “It tastes fine.”

“Really?” said Yang.

“Yup. I love it,” said Weiss. Her cheeks puffed out for a moment before forcing them back in.

“Then chew it,” said Yang.

Weiss blasted open her eyes and began to tremble. Like a scared little girl about to take awful medicine, shook her head, “No “.

Yang couldn’t help but take in some dark satisfaction in seeing Weiss squirm. She placed her right-hand palm up under Weiss’s jaw and said, “Here, I’ll help.” She then lifted the hand up and heard a moist crunch emerge within Weiss’s mouth. The sides of Weiss’s lips rocketed downward, and her cheeks grew an even darker shade of green.

“Oh gods,” Weiss said. She covered both of her hands over her and puffed out her cheeks once more. “W-where is your bathroom?”

Yang pointed towards the living room and said, “Down the hallway to your right.”

Weiss nodded her head and ran with the haste of a man on fire. A few seconds later, and Yang heard a guttural, gut-wrenching noise come forth the hallway, followed by some sobs and a whisper that said, “Why did I do that?” Yang smiled and filled a glass of water from the faucet.

After a few moments of silence, Weiss walked back into the living room, looking much more deflated. She crashed down on the couch and hung her head low. Yang, with glass in hand, made her way into the living room and sat down next to her.

“See? I told you that you suck at cooking.” Yang said. She presented the water to Weiss, who was still silent. “Come on. I got you water to wash that gunk out with.” Weiss refused to answer, and an awkward silence permeated the room. Then, Yang heard a single drip. She looked over to the kitchen sink and saw no stray droplets on the faucet.

“You’re really mean.”

Yang looked back at Weiss, and her heart sank. Weiss’s eyes were brimming with tears, and large fat droplets rolled down her cheeks. Yang heard Weiss’s shuttered breath and shallow inhales and felt as if she had been punched in the stomach.

“Weiss,” Yang said. She extended an arm over Weiss's shoulder and embraced her with the gentleness of a warm blanket. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”

Weiss sneered at Yang. “I didn’t look that way. You said I made Ruby sick and that I was a bad cook. How else was I supposed to take that?”

Weiss’s comment stabbed at Yang’s being, and puddles of regret flowed out. Yang's eyes began to mirror Weiss’s, and her cheeks became wet.

“I-I really am sorry,” Yang said. “I took things too far. I was being a jerk.”

Weiss cast her gaze downward at the red and white carpet and said, “No. You were being right. I am a terrible cook. And apparently, I’m an even worse spouse and friend.” Weiss let out a small sob. “I just wanted to be useful, you know? I’m terrible at cleaning, at laundry, at home decorating. I can’t even wash the dishes without breaking half of our plates. I’m a mess.”

Yang pulled Weiss close and squeezed her tight. “Hey, don’t say that. You’re great at a lot of other things.”

“I know that,” Weiss snapped. “This is still me we’re talking about. But the fact that I can’t make a proper dish, or a proper home for my loved ones is a black mark against my record. I hurt Ruby. I’m a terrible wife”

Weiss buried her face in her hands and cried. The sight tore at Yang’s heart. It was like witnessing a dove be clipped of her wings, her pride shattered and thrown away.

“Weiss,” Yang said, “I’m sure Ruby doesn’t think any less of you because you made a few bad dishes. I mean, it’s Ruby we’re talking about. You could slam into her with that fancy car of yours and she’d ask if you were okay.”

Weiss chuckled and wiped her eyes. “Of course she would. I just can’t believe I was foolish enough to think I was a good cook.”

“Where did you learn how to cook like that anyway?” Yang said. No one automatically thinks that putting spicy noodles and gummy worms together would make a great dish. At this point, Yang had to know.

“Mario’s Grand Cooking Show, of course,” Weiss said. “It comes on right before _The Fawn and The Faunus._ Chef Mario always says that you can make any ingredient work if you put enough love and effort into the dish. One time, he had to create a meal with only an orange, a chicken leg, alfredo sauce, and a bagel. When he served it to the judges, every single one of them loved it.”

Yang nodded her head and put up a half-grin. There was some sort of naive innocence in Weiss’s statement that Yang couldn’t get mad at.

“Well, you got the love part down,” said Yang. “Maybe a little too well.”

Weiss slumped her head down once more and let out an exhausted sigh. “I’m sorry I messed up the Salmon.”

Yang clasped Weiss’s hand and said, “Don’t be too hard on yourself. Like you said before, I can’t even make cookies right. If I tried making the fish by myself, I’m pretty sure I’d blow up the whole house.”

Weiss giggled and put on a gentle, yet sad smile. “We’re a couple of messes, aren’t we?”

Yang leaned back against the couch and clicked her tongue. “Yep. But, I think that’s part of our charm, you know?”

“The fact that we endanger our loved ones with our cooking?”

“Okay not that part,” said Yang. “Sure, we’re not perfect. But we try our best. Blake deserves the world, and I’m gonna give it to her, even if I have to break my back doing so. And I’m sure you feel the same way about Ruby.”

“I do,” said Weiss. Her cheeks began to glow red as if to match the color of her scarf. “When I made my vows to her, I said that there would be nothing I wouldn’t do to keep her beautiful smile alive. And I have no intention of breaking that promise.”

Yang stood up from the couch and faced Weiss. “So, let’s keep going. We may be crappy chefs now, but your Weiss Schnee, and I’m Yang Xiao Long. There’s nothing in this world that can take us down. Not Grimm, not evil witches, and certainly not some stupid fish! Are you with me?”

Weiss rose up from the couch and looked Yang in the eyes. “Yes. It’s time to show the world what we can do.”

Yang pulled Weiss into a big hug, and even though Weiss has a head shorter than she was, Yang felt so much love and strength from her companion’s embrace. Weiss was stubborn, arrogant, and a bit stubborn at times. But more than all of that, she was Yang’s best friend.

“Also, Did you turn off the stove?” Weiss said.

Once more, the pickaxe of panic struck Yang's core. “Um, no.”

Weiss took a step back from the embrace and said, “We better turn it off before the fishcatches on–”

As if right on cue, Yang heard a thunderous “Boom!” from the other room. Yang and Weiss looked at each other and shared the same expression of fear. They bolted back to the kitchen. a giant tower of flame blasting out from the pan. The searing hot aura enveloped the room and forced the two women back.

“Holy shit!” said Yang. She rushed towards the sink, grabbed a wet towel, and whipped it across the flaming pan. “Weiss! Get the fire extinguisher!”

“Where is it?”

“In the back of the pantry! Hurry!”

Weiss scurried off into the pantry and emerged with the fire extinguisher underneath her arm.

“How do I use this thing?” Weiss said as she fiddled with the handle.

Yang smacked down a burst of fire from the pan and said, “Pull the pin and squeeze the lever!

Weiss did as instructed, yanking the metal pin off the handle and aiming it at the pan.

“And I just squeeze?” said Weiss.

“Yeah, but let me get out of the way fir–”

Yang was hammered by a cold and suffocating stream of gas. Her lungs were filled with noxious fumes and she collapsed on her knees sputtering and coughing. Yang rubbed her burning eyes with her left arm as tears began to pour down.

“Sorry,” Weiss said. “I panicked.”

Yang hacked up a bit of spittle and said, “I noticed.”

Once fresh air had filled her lungs, Yang rose from the ground and dusted herself off. Her clothes were caked in a white, flowrey substance from her shirt to her pants. She glanced at the pan and saw that it was also covered in the power.

“Well, at least the fire is out,” said Yang.

“And the kitchen is a mess,” said Weiss. “When is Blake coming home again?”

Yang brought out her scroll and looked at the time. “We still have about twenty minutes left. We can salvage this. Weiss, you go get a mop and bucket. I’ll start wiping down the countertop and washing the dishes.”

“But what about the food? Isn’t Blake expecting some sort of surprise?” Weiss said.

Yang tapped her pointer finger to her temple and pursued her lips in thought. “We’ll have to make something simple, so uncomplicated, that we can’t possibly mess it up.”

“Like what?”

Yang flashed a smile and said, “I got an idea.”

Thus, a flurry of cleanliness stormed the kitchen. After Yang changed her clothes and washed the white dust off of her hair, the two women engaged themselves in an intense battle against the monstrous mess they made. Yang washed the dishes and wiped the countertops while Weiss slashed her mop across the floor. They dumped the charred remnants of salmon into a garbage bag and tossed them into the trash can outside. Once there was not a speck of grease, grime, or fire extinguisher exhaust in the kitchen, they got to work on their final dish. After a few minutes of careful building, Yang put their masterpiece on a plate and rested it on the kitchen table.

“You know what?” said Yang. “I think we did a pretty good job.”

“I still think we should have added some gummy worms,” said Weiss.

“True, but I think a meal like this requires a more, refined combination, wouldn’t you say?”

What laid before the two women was a simple ham and cheese sandwich. It had two slices of fluffy wheat bread, crispy green lettuce, sliced red tomatoes, juicy honey ham, and a light spread of mustard. It certainly wasn’t going to win any cooking awards, but it would do for now. The best part was that the sandwich had no chance of exploding into a million pieces or catching on fire. At least as far as Yang knew.

“What do you two got there?”

Yang and Weiss leaped in surprise at the new voice. Yang turned around and saw Blake leaning against the doorway with her arms crossed. She had a tiny grin on her face and was at ease.

“Jeez, Blake, give me a heads up before you come inside. I almost had a heart attack,” said Yang. She wrapped her arms around Blake’s waist and kissed her on the lips. As always, it felt like dynamite. “How was the movie?”

“It was really fun,” said Blake. “Illia and Sun wanted to go to a bar afterward, but I declined. Apparently, I had a special surprise waiting at home.” Blake leaned her head to the side and said, “Hi, Weiss. How are you doing?”

“I’m doing fine, thank you for asking,” said Weiss.

Blake turned her attention back to Yang and said, “I thought you said you were going to play video games with Ruby tonight.”

“Well, I fibbed,” said Yang. She hung her left arm over Blake’s shoulders and walked her to the table. “I asked Weiss to come over to help me make a special dinner for you.”

Weiss picked up the plate and presented it to Blake as if she was showing her the Crown Jewel of Mistrial. “Behold! The Freezerburn sandwich. Made by Yang and me.”

“Go ahead and try it,” said Yang. “I promise, we didn’t put anything weird in it, nor will it explode. It’s just a nice, simple ham and cheese sandwich.”

Blake glanced at Yang, and then to Weiss, and laughed. Yang’s heart fluttered at the wondrous sound. It was as if mirth and joy had been condensed into a beautiful melody.

“Well, how can I say no?” Blake said. She picked up the sandwich with one hand and, without any hesitation, took a bite. Yang felt her muscles tense up as she waited in anticipation, and spotted Weiss fidget with her fingers. Blake chewed, and chewed, and chewed until she finally swallowed the piece. Yang clenched her teeth, preparing for the worst.

“Wow,” Blake said, “This is, without a doubt, the best sandwich I ever had.

Relief erupted inside of Yang and she shouted, “Yes! We did it, Weiss!”

Weiss clapped her hands and beamed.

“And do you want to know why this is the best sandwich I’ve ever had?” said Blake.

Before Yang had a chance to respond, Blake wrapped one arm around Yang’s waist and pulled Weiss in with her other, creating a group hug.

“Because it was made by my amazing wife, and my best friend,” Blake said. She then planted a peck on both Yang and Weiss’s cheeks and smiled. Yang’s insides turned to absolute mush, and she felt her cheeks burn-hot.

“We love you too, Blake” Yang said.

“I only wish Ruby was here,” said Weiss. “I need to make up for my terrible cooking.”

All of a sudden, Yang heard the front door slam open. Before she knew it, a red blur bursted into the kitchen and collapsed on the floor. It was Ruby, dressed only in her white tank top and strawberry patterned boxers, soaking with sweat.”

“Y-yang,” Ruby said as she gasped for air, “whatever you do, d-don’t let Weiss put weird stuff in the dish. She goes way too overboard.” Ruby’s eyes flashed open wide once she spotted Weiss, who had a look of annoyance plastered across her face. “Oh. H-hey, honey. How are you doing?”

Weiss put her hands on her hips, tapped her foot, and said,. “Why did you not tell me you were getting sick from eating my food? And why are you in your underwear?”

Ruby slowly got up from the floor and put her pointer fingers together, “I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. You looked so happy when I ate your stuff, I couldn’t say no. And as for my clothes, I kinda forgot to change on my way here.”

Weiss huffed and pulled Ruby into a hug. “You really are a dolt, aren’t you? And I’m an even bigger one for not noticing your pain. I’m sorry. I love you.”

Ruby chuckled and smooched Weiss on the lips. “I love you too. I’d eat a hundred of your nasty dishes if I’d make you happy.”

Before Weiss could object to Ruby’s comment, Yang patted her sister on the shoulder and said, “Well, now that the whole team is here, it looks like we need to make some more sandwiches. Isn’t that right, Weiss?”

“I guess so, Yang,” Weiss said. “It’s time for our teammates to see our cooking prowess.”

Ruby shifted her weight to her other leg and said, “Actually, I kinda ate on my way here, so there’s no need for–”

“Their sandwiches are actually really good,” said Blake.

“Oh,” said Ruby, “Then make me two. I’m starving!”

Thus, Weiss and Yang whipped themselves into a cooking frenzy. They diced the lettuce and tomatoes with the help of Myrentenaster, spread mustard on bread, and performed culinary magic. What they lacked in skill, they made up for ten-fold in heart. And as the four-team members sat together at the kitchen table munching on their sandwiches, Yang felt something new. It was something similar to love, yet more intimate, more honest. Yang felt at home.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! There's more work to come soon.


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